Monday, January 05, 2009

I Live on the Corner of “Oh, No, He Didn't” and “I Wish a Motherfucker Would.” As I've Said, It Ain't Easy Being Me

Indistinguishable Black Woman: “Do I get stress headaches at work?” Yes, definitely. From the moment I get in, it's “Denise, we need this,” “Denise, we need that,” which is stressful, 'cause my name is Linda. Denise is the other black woman who works here.

By ten a.m., someone in the Copy room makes a joke about Kobe Bryant, and everyone looks at me to make sure it's okay. And I smile like it's okay, but, really, my head and neck are starting to throb.

Then, I spend the rest of the afternoon training my interns and answering their questions, like “Yes, black people use shampoo” and “No, I don't know any good reggae clubs around here” and, “Yes, Condoleezza Rice is very articulate. Why do you sound so surprised?” And, “No, I can't tell you where to buy weed.”

And that's when I reach for Excedrin—new Excedrin for Racial Tension Headaches.

Excedrin RT works fast, taking me from “Oh no you didn't!” to “I wish a motherfucker would.” I like that.

Voiceover: Excedrin Racial Tension Headaches—fast relief for hundreds of years of nagging pain.

We've got no hope of curing cancer, inoculating ourselves against HIV infection, or relieving humankind of the common cold, but this? This, we can do.

Can we get someone on the racial tension pain relief project? Seriously. Before I choke someone? I'd appreciate it, and I'm sure the someone who's about to get choked would, too.


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