Somewhere, a Lawyer Weeps

“Based on Mr. Barkley's driving, the odor of alcohol on his breath, his bloodshot and watery eyes, HGN, and his performance on the SFST's, I told him he was under arrest for driving under the influence of alcohol. I advised Mr. Barkley of his Miranda warnings and he said he understood. The Scottsdale officer transported Mr. Barkley to the command post for me at 5230 N. Scottsdale Rd.…

“When we arrived at the command post I read the Admin Per Se/Implied Consent Affidavit to Mr. Barkley. he said had a number of questions about the consequences of refusing the blood test. I answered each of them and numerous times he told me that he drinks, ‘but I don't do any of that other shit.’ He went on to explain that he didn't not take drugs. Eventually, Mr. Barkley told me he understood the nature of my request and he submitted to a blood draw. I drew two vials of his blood at 0200 hours without incident. I sealed and labeled the blood kit and later sent it to the Chandler Crime Lab for analysis. I advised Mr. Barkley of his right to an independent test and he said he understood.

“Following the blood test I asked Mr. Barkley the series of questions listed in the DUI interview paperwork he answered each of them. When I asked the question, ‘Where were you going?’ He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat. He asked me to admit that she was ‘hot.’ He asked me, ‘You want the truth?’ When I told him I did he said, ‘I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job.’ He then explained that she had given him a ‘blow job’ one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life.

“While being processed he told a civilian Gilbert PD employee, ‘I'll tattoo my name on your ass’ if it would get him out of the DUI. He laughed and the quickly corrected himself and said, ‘I'll tatto your name on my ass’ and laughed again.

“It was at this point that we realized, although Mr. Barkley had said he understood the rights guaranteed him by the Fifth and the Fourteenth Amendments of the Constitution and summarized in the Miranda case ruling warnings read to him, he had no idea what the right to remain silent was all about—not really.”