It's True. I'm All Gay-ed Up

Chastity Bono, gay-rights activist and child of performer Cher and the late entertainer and politician Sonny Bono, is in the early stages of transitioning from a female to a male and will be known as Chaz, his spokesman said Thursday.

“Chaz, after many years of consideration, has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity,” Howard Bragman said in a written statement.

“He is proud of his decision and grateful for the support and respect that has already been shown by his loved ones. It is Chaz's hope that his choice to transition will open the hearts and minds of the public regarding this issue, just as his ‘coming out’ did nearly 20 years ago.”

Someone's decision to transition does not necessarily mean they are undergoing gender reassignment surgery, and in many cases they do not, said Mara Keisling, executive director of the Washington-based National Center for Transgender Equality.…

Keisling said she was unaware of the specifics in Bono's case, but speaking generally, a transition means that he will now want to be “known, seen, viewed” as a male.…

Bragman asked that the media “respect Chaz's privacy during this long process, as he will not be doing any interviews at this time.” Bragman also asked that the members of the media keep their laughter and retorts of “Oh, what a load of bullshit!” to a respectable murmur.


Re-stating, drunk off the success his coming out reaped for the gay community twenty years ago—“Chaz,” is it?—Chaz Bono has released for public consumption the news that he is transitioning into manhood. With all the chutzpah of someone who has just grown a pair, he then asked everyone to respect the privacy he enjoyed and then violated to bring us this news.

Hmm. I understand the lack of surgery now. Who needs a penis when you've got balls like that?

Now that I think about it,

Bifferson Loman, jackass and half-ass blogger, is in the early stages of transitioning from a male to lesbian, and will be known as Bifflopatra, his spokesman said Thursday.

“Biff, after many years of consideration, has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity,” The Law Guy was forced to say, after losing a bet.

“He is proud of his decision and grateful for the support and respect inability of his loved ones to reclaim their rights of gun ownership. It is Bifflopatra's hope that his choice to transition will open the hearts and thighs of the hot lesbian and curious college girl populations better than anything he's tried over the past 34 years of near-clinical priapism.”

The Law Guy asked that the media “respect Bifflopatra's privacy during this long process. This request does not include Craig's List, he added as a correction, as Mr. Loman wants to use that media outlet to solicit lesbians everywhere to help him through the transition by showing the best way to deal with his living dildo. Ladies, my client ask that you include a picture in your responses.”