“I Like the Dog. If He Can't Eat It, or Fuck It, He Pisses on It. I Can Get behind That.”

I also liked,

“Son, people will always try and fuck you. Don't waste your life planning for a fucking, just be alert when your pants are down.”

It's funny stuff—unless it's coming from your dad. Then, he's the champ, and you're the punching bag.

Trust me. Your friends will never let you live down, “You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again after your bullshit dies out over someone else's house,” and they're going to come over all the time to experience your dad's wisdom without having to catch any of his backlash.