26 pounds, 32,000 Calories: That's Not Excess, but It's a Start

Excess, yeah that's what we do best
Yo, I was on a sugar low, feelin' slow, needed more
But now I'm feelin' them grooves, straight up rockin' these moves
And when I shake my hips like this, I bet your daddy disapproves

Oh yeah! Alright! We're gonna Party Bear tonight!
Oh yeah! Alright! We're gonna shake it up with the Party Bear tonight!

Once, as an undergrad, we filled a watermelon with Everclear. The Everclear ate the meat of the watermelon, so when we cracked it open, most of the liquor spilled out on to the floor. That would have been a red flag for most, but whatever message contained in the "It ate dissolved the insides of the last thing it was put into" message was lost on us. We drank whatever we could salvage from the meatless rind. Having since burned those brain cells out of existence, I can't tell you much about the taste, but I can tell you that after a few drinks, I'd lost the power of speech. Good time, good times.

I can only image what we would have paired with one of these. Since my friend's and my degrees were brought to us by the letters "G" and "T," I'd like to think it would have been something classy, like gin or cognac or something, but frankly, even at my advanced age, I'm looking at that chubby, little bastard with his distended hollow belly and I'm thinking that would go well with cheap tequila, if for no other reason, because I think he would look cute in that little detachable sombrero.

And I'm sure I'd taste the rainbow, afterward. No pain, no gain.