"You Know, It Would Be Easier for Me To Blow Smoke Up There If You'd Hold Your Cheeks Apart"

The poll say voters want optimism, not analysis. Well, I really want to be your vice president, so I'm more than willing to avoid all that intellectual mumbo-jumbo. My fellow Americans, you want to see some fucking optimism? Let's go! By the time I'm through here, you'll be shitting candy canes!

If the real John Edwards were anything like The Onion John Edwards, I'd be shaking hands, kissing babies, and phoning Undecideds (and not just to call them lip-diddling idiots, this time) to get him elected VP. As it is, I'm limiting my political participation to grinding my molars into stumps as I read depressing news in the morning papers.

If the polls are to be believed, it's having an effect.