I'm so Excited, I'm Soiling Myself Like a Nonagenarian, and I Don't Care Like a Nonagenarian

As if the A&E Network hadn't proved conclusively in recent seasons just how far it has fallen ... a new biopic on Arnold Schwarzenegger confirms that nobody at the cable channel has much taste or, for that matter, smarts....

Any programmer with the aforementioned combo of taste and smarts would have laughed the idea for "See Arnold Run" right out the door.

But no one did. ... And so the laughs are all yours as "See Arnold Run" unfolds Sunday as two of the most embarrassing, ridiculous hours of filmed television in some time. ... "See Arnold Run" is so asinine it races past farce and approaches spoof before veering off carelessly on that dark and lonely road marked "Earnest True Life Story." ...

Here's a caveat. And you should heed it: "See Arnold Run" is terrible. It's a movie so bad that even Mariel Hemingway's oh-honey-you-shouldn't-have take on Maria Shriver ranks among the very least of its crimes. Yes, if you're in the right frame of mind, the Arnold-Arianna-Barbara performances will make you howl. But that is a desperately sad place to imagine yourself.

That would be my place, 8:00, Sunday, BYOD — Bring Your Own Depends. Actually, bring two: During the commericals, we can check in on Iron Chef. And it's not that sad, not that sad at all.