It's Time to Break Out the No. Ten Can of Legal Whoop Ass--or The Illegal Kind --but One Way or the Other, That Bill of Rights Is Coming with Us

It's ours. You stole it. We're taking it back.

I know what you're thinking: we're North Carolinians. We're as sweet as ice tea and pecan pie. And we are.

But don't get us angry. You wouldn't like us when we're angry. And, boy, are we angry about this.

We are also ignorant, armed, and all but eat up with the dumb ass. We can't be trusted to do the right thing. (That's the state motto: It's on our license plates.) If a death by natural causes is your desired end, put the law suit down, and pack slowly away from that copy of the Bill of Rights.

We won't be held responsible for what happens if you don't. I mean, we're just an angry mob someone accidentally gave statehood. No one expects anything good to come from us, and we never disappoint.