"Gee, Mr. Peabody. You Sure Know a Lot about Young Boys and Masturbation" "Quite Right, Sherman. Quite Right. Our Association Has Been Educational"

You see, Z., the flush-toilet, like so many inventions (the combustion engine, insulin, garage rock, falafel) was the result of collaboration. In the mid-18th century, folks everywhere had grown tired of seeing their turds floating around in the cistern, turds lingering like overbearing houseguests, turds climbing up out of the bowl and raiding the larder—turds, Z-Dog! Everywhere, turds. As you can imagine, something simply had to be done.

For centuries, hapless defecators resorted to calling in bearded, robed sorcerers, who would wave a plunger over the bowl, holler, “Be gone!” and banish the offending poo-poo to the netherworld. This “brown magic” had mixed results until 1777, when the first fully effective flush toilets began to appear around London, credited to a variety of names that I won’t bore you with here—although rest assured many are hilarious. The sorcerers, with little else to do, went back to their day jobs—selling comic books to pre-adolescent boys and perfecting mystical techniques of masturbation.

And that's why pre-adolescent boys, bathrooms, and masturbation are inextricably linked to this day.