For Some Reason, I'm Seeing Heath Ledger as Draco and Jake Gyllenhal as Harry. Don't Ask Me Where I Get My Ideas

"It's just great to be able to talk to other people about Harry Potter," says the first one, Lisa. I nod my head earnestly. "Particularly," she says, "Harry Potter porn."

Harry Potter porn? I say.

"Harry Potter gay porn,' she corrects me. "We write it. It's called slash fi ction. You take the characters and you imagine them in diff erent scenarios. There's het fiction too, where they think the characters are straight. Whereas we assume that everyone is bisexual until proven otherwise."

What can I say? Lisa is 38; she's a paralegal and lives in New York. Her friend, Hally, is 26, and a student. They just seem like perfectly nice, educated, middle-class women. Who write homoerotic fiction about wizards.

You know, I thought something was up when in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, at the beginning, Harry was in bed, under the blankets, playing with his glowing wand, trying to make it shoot off, and his little elf friend entered, saying something like, "Dobbie loves Harry Potter." I thought, "Did I go into the right theatre? Am I in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets or Harry Potter and the Chamber of His Secret Love?

And I felt dirty, someone-should-spank-me-hard dirty. I felt worse when I realized I was indeed in Chamber of Secrets, someone-owes-me-$9 worse.