Only One Person Is This Open about Her Sex Life: Yep, It's Dooce
My mother knew this day had been coming so she sat me down and explained in refined euphemisms how a blow job worked and I didn’t believe her. No way would anyone ever put someone’s Wee Waw into their mouth. And the whole term “blow” just made me even more confused. In college I had a roommate who took an anatomy class and on the day they dissected a human penis she came home in tears. She had never before seen a penis, and frankly, neither had I, so when she described it to me we held each other, cried and promised WE‘D NEVER STICK ONE OF THOSE THINGS IN OUR MOUTH, NO WAY IN HECK. . . .
The second gay guy I dated . . . liked anal sex, except, he wanted it performed on him. I am not into kinky sex with motorized objects or things that strap onto the body, so he suggested that I use objects around the house. To put into his butt. In. To. His. Butt. Dad, if you have made it this far in this post I promise to pay for your ambulance trip to the ER. There comes a point in every relationship when you have to ask yourself, “Am I willing to stick a bottle of A1 sauce up this person’s butt?” And in that relationship the answer was, “Just once and now I never want to see you again.”
You can go through childbirth, with all the blood and fluids, with the exertions that leave hemorrhoidal tissue hanging, and the birth eruption that tears things that should be untorn -- all that -- and think it's beautiful, but ask you to pleasure a guy with a condiment bottle and you run screaming.
Women.
posted by Biff Loman at 12:32 PM
4 Comments:
Naturally this would be quite okay, as long as the lid was (if you pardon the expression) screwed on tightly.
Does it have to be A1 steak sauce? Can't it be taco salsa?
I think it can be anything, as long as the lid isn't loose. . . unless of course, that's his preference.
I'm with you on that, Reenee: It is totally up to the person playing Lazy Susan to state a preference for wet or dry service, lidded or unlidded. Okay, the server can participate in the decision-making process if he or she needs the condiment later for dinner, but what's the likelihood of that? (Honestly, I'm hoping no one knows the answer to that.)
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