"If Syphilis Was a Food Product, This Is What It Would Look Like."

Erica Barnett wrote a brief but meaty post the other day about the heart-stopping joy of bacon-wrapped, cheese-filled, battered and fried hot dogs.

I decided to call her bluff and see if she’d really eat such a bizarre concoction of unnatural ingredients. With 17 years of culinary experience under my belt and a fridge full of bacon, I dove headfirst into the dark world of lad-mag cookery.

Bacon-wrapped, cheese-filled, battered and fried hot dogs? I wouldn't eat one of those unless it came with a side of fried bologna and a Sundrop chaser, and then, I'd eat only two, three if there's slaw.