So That's What Happened to Mercedes. I'm Glad Things Worked Out for Her

You know I used to be a bad girl
I got busy in the bathroom at my high school prom
Yeah I used to be a dancer at the local strip club
But now I know my right wing from my wrong

Yeah, yeah

I really used to be a bad girl
I had a threesome with my sister and her boyfriend Tom
I know I used to be a real wild child
But now I am a Volvo-driving soccer mom

Na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na. . .

Where do all the porn stars go
When the lights go down?
I wonder where all the porn stars go
'Cause when you need one, they are never around

I think they moved out to the suburbs
And now they're blonde, bland, middle-class Republican wives
They all have blonde, bland, middle-class Republican children
Blonde, bland, middle-class Republican lives

Where do all the porn stars go
When the lights go down?
I think I know where all the porn stars go
They all become Volvo-driving soccer moms

Clearly, there's a lot of anger being expressed here, but anger aside, he has an interesting theory, one I'll be more than happy to test next weekend. I've got a soccer park nearby and a lot of singles that I'd like to find g-string homes for. Let's see what happens when I wave a dollar in the air at the next game and sing Pour Some Sugar on Me.


Man, the things I do in the name of science.