What? You Couldn't Write a Poem about Something More Appropriate? Why? Couldn't You Find a Word that Rhymed with "Rottweiler"

The coach of the Ballard High School girls tennis team, who was profiled in last week's cover story in The Seattle Weekly, has been fired.

In the article, Aaron Silverberg is quoted on the team bus ride home from a victorious match reading aloud sensual poems he self-published.

"We're moving a different direction," said Ballard athletic director Doug Bruketta. He said there were factors other than the article that led to the dismissal of Aaron Silverberg, 50.

"It's not just that," Bruketta said.

Silverberg said he was surprised he was fired and said he got the notification in an e-mail from Bruketta.

Asked if Bruketta provided a reason for the firing, Silverberg said, "All I've heard so far is the word 'inappropriate.' "

Okay, dude, this is the poem you read. This is the poem you read to high school girls you were coaching:

Drinking you in.

Melting you under

my tongue.

Touching you the way

the sea strokes

the shoreline

every few seconds...

If you were the creative writing coach, that would be inappropriate. That you are the tennis coach, well, . . . Even I find that pervy.

Seriously, how could you think that was okay? What circumstances in your life would give you that perspective? Were you conceived during a live sex show, birthed in a brothel, reared in a S/M dungeon, nourished by a steady diet of Rimbaud and Penthouse letters? Um, sorry: That's my bio. Forget the context.

Before the parents/villagers show up with their pitchforks and torches to stave in your door and slay you, call in this order your mom, your lawyer, your union representative, because you, my friend, are in deep d'oh, here. You're going to need the Holy Trinity of Defense to get you out. Trust me on this.