I Entered the Contest, but Withdrew When I Found Out the Testicles Weren't Organic, Free-Range, Grass-Fed Testicles.

Testicle Festival from ulteriorproductions.com on Vimeo.

Evan: Missoula, Montana, home of the 24th Annual Testicle Festival. We're going to be here for the next 3 days surviving solely on a diet of bull testicles and beer. …

Evan: What number would you say it is going to take to win the testicle eating contest?

Matt Powers, Owner of the Testicle Festival: 3 lbs. If you can eat 3 lbs of nuts, you're a better man than me.

Gareth: How about this? I'll promise you 8 lbs.

Matt: You'll promise 8 lbs?

Gareth: Yeah, that's right. …

[Three days later]

Gareth: What a disaster! They call it a Testicle Festival, but it is a biker orgy-murder party.

You know you're in trouble when the best adjective you can think of to describe the testicles in your mouth is “vein-y.”