Friday, July 24, 2009

The Grapes of Wrath of Khan

“The Khan Song”

(To the tune of “
The Beverly Hillbillies”)

Let me tell you all a story 'bout a man named Khan
He was really smart but his sanity was gone
One day he was sent back to Ceti Alpha Five
Where the parts of an evil plan started to jive

The next thing you know ol' Khan's shot into space
And zooming off to Risa like he's in some starship race
Who knows what's going on in the mind of this crazy man?
Just keeping watching this episode to see his master plan!

A short time later, the Botany Bay re-entered normal space near Risa. Khan smiled wickedly. “
Excellent work, Joachim!”

“Actually, my name is Barney.”

“Whatever! Hit the brakes on this thing and we'll beam down to the planet.”

“Brakes, sir?”

“Yes, you know, the things that stop a vehicle.”

“We knew we were forgetting something…”

So the Botany Bay plummeted down and crashed on Risa. Luckily, Khan's genetically engineered goons didn't forget airbags, so everyone was okay.

Khan looked around at the paradise surrounding him. “This shall be our new empire! We shall remake this planet in our image!”

Joaquin asked, “We're going to carve our faces on the planet's surface?”

“No… We will make Risa as Earth was in the 1990's! Everyone will listen to grunge music and wear plaid shirts and so on, and as the apex of the 1990's, we will reign supreme!”

“And how exactly are we going to get everyone to think 90's stuff is cool?”

“Because I will tell them so!”

“What if they don't listen to you?”

“Oh, they'll listen to me. Nobody ignores someone with this manly a chest!”

“Give it up. We all know that's not your real chest.”

“It is so! Now watch and learn!”

Khan whipped out some plaid shirts and some grunge music CDs and went up to some vacationers. “Excuse me, but would you like these?”

“Plaid shirts and grunge music? Didn't those go out of style about a millenia ago?”

“My chest says they didn't…”

The vacationers looked at Khan's chest and were instantly mesmerized. “We will do whatever you say…

It's ain't Shakespeare, but to a Trekker, it's damn close.


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