Heavy Sigh. “For Fuck's Sake”

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Healther Skelter - Obama Death Panel Debate
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Spinal Tap Performance

Jon Stewart: Now, obviously, the idea that Barack Obama wants to kill you grandparents and children is somewhat hyperbolic.…

Which again means that Barack Obama had to devote his web address to de-bunking fear. Watch closely as it appears that all Obama's speeches now begin with a heavy sigh:

President Obama: Let me start by dispelling the outlandish rumors that reform will promote euthanasia or cut Medicaid or bring about a government takeover of healthcare. That's simply not true…

Jon: (imitating the president) “…for fuck's sake.… [sighs heavily] (continuing) If you like the organs you have, you'll get to keep them. I will not be, as you may have heard, harvesting them for my [makes air quotes] ‘Chicago friends.’”

Jon: I am now joined by our healthcare panel, representing all sides of the healthcare debate. We have John Oliver, Samantha Bee, and Aasif Mandvi. Thank you all for joining us.

Tempers running hot on this issue is an important issue. Let's make an effort to keep the conversation civil if we may.

Obviously, one of the more outlandish things to come out of this debate if you can call it that is the notion that this bill includes provisions for government-run death panels, who will decide who lives and who dies…

Samantha Bee: Absolutely, the U.S. government should not be running death panels. It's far too big and out of control to effectively run something that important. That responsibility should remain where it is now, with private insurance companies.

John Oliver: No, no, no. Jon, if I may, that is absolutely barbaric… Jon, America is the wealthiest country in the world, yet 50 million of our citizens have no access to death panels. That is a disgrace. Yet, under Sam's plan, here, there is still no public death panel option. Are you suggesting that hard-working Americans who have lost their jobs or fallen ill shouldn't have the same right to be put down in Obama's government death factories as a CEO.…

Aasif Mandvi: Has anyone actually read the bill? [John and Samantha admit they have not.] Well, I haven't, either, but one thing I do know is ObamaCare isn't about killing anyone…

Well, given his Kenyan birth and background, I'm pretty sure his plan focuses on tribal medicines and holistic shaman cures based on leaves and roots and other kinds of Serengeti magic.

Samnatha Bee: Listen, listen, listen. I have no objection to voodoo ceremonies where a man with a bone through his nose sprinkles you with chicken blood, per se, but universal, single-killer, shamanistic death panels just represent more Washington mission creep.


And it just goes downhill from there. Sadly, it's still not as ridiculous as the real discussions going on across the country.