As My South Park Hero, Stan Marsh, Would Say, “Dude, That's Some Fucked Up Shit, Right There”

Hans O. (45) appeared in room 117 of Dusseldorf district court with the public prosecutor accusing the 120-kg man of committing sexual abuse and grievous bodily harm.

The incomprehensible incident took place on September 2 last year. Hans and his buddy Alexander J. met in the afternoon in the centre of Neuss, a town near Dusseldorf. They drank beer deep into the night.

Hans O. got completely drunk, and then suddenly overwhelmingly horny…

He unbuttoned the trousers of his friend who was sleeping on the couch, and messed around with his genitals.

When the fondling failed to provoke any physical response from Alexander, Hans became furious…

The prosecutor said: “He twisted the scrotum repeatedly until it broke. Then he took the testicles and hurled them from the window.”

…Police later found the testicles on the roof where they lay in the snow guard.

The prosecutor wants Hans O. to be taken into psychiatric accommodation. The accused himself declined to comment: “I’m saying nothing else.”


Finally, an accused criminal who gets it. (Does it undermine the point that he's insane?)

Hats off to you, testicle-ripping, nut-slinging dude. I hope you're convicted and put away for a very long time, but I am heartened to know that if you are, it will be without self-incriminating evidence.

Damn it. I promised myself I wouldn't cry.