Now if You'll Excuse Me, I've Got to Go Update My “Motherlover” Profile on Craig's List

Jordan, Tyler, come here. Sit down. I wanted to speak to you today about something that's been on Mommy's mind a lot lately. As you know, it's been almost two whole years since your father passed away, and we all miss him very, very much. But after a long period of mourning, I think we've finally healed enough as a family to begin moving forward with our lives. So, after giving it a lot of thought, your mother has come to the decision that she is finally ready to start fucking again.

It's time, kids. Your mother can't go on grieving forever.…

What I'm trying to say is sometimes your mother gets lonely and feels like spending some time with a person her own age. A special friend, you might say. A special friend who will tenderly lick your mother's breasts, and her clitoris, and maybe pull her hair when she asks him to. …

And please don't think that once I get a little deep dicking things won't be the same around here. You might worry that these new friends I'm inviting back to my bedroom at all hours of the night to turn me inside out will become more important to me than you. Well, let me tell you right now: Even an 18-year-old quarterback with a face like Johnny Depp's and the dong of a Clydesdale could never, ever make me forget that you are the most important things in my life. His perfect, smooth cock would still pale in comparison to you two. Even if it had a big thick throbbing head.

And no, you won't have to call this person daddy. I will, but you don't have to.

There's no good way to have this conversation. That's why I always leave it up to the mom. Learn from my experience. Help me help you.