A Real Police Force Would Have Found those Leprechauns. For Shame, Seattle PD!

A “bunch of leprechauns” beat up a man in Belltown on Saturday, the bruised and bloodied victim told police.


Police say they received reports about the fight around 1:55 a.m. on Bell Street near the Alaskan Way Viaduct, but when they arrived they saw numerous people running from the scene.


Police then saw a man on the ground, who was covered in blood and holding his head and screaming in pain.


When police asked the man who was involved in the fight he said, “It was a bunch of leprechauns,” that were mad because he was dancing with a girl, according to police.


He told police one of the assailants was wearing a white tank top, but could not provide any more details about the leprechauns. Knowing that they wear “wife beaters,” hate watching heterosexuals dance, and that they are always after his Lucky Charms will have to do for now.


The man was taken to Harborview Medical Center with multiple head injuries — obviously — and cuts and bruises on his face, back, knuckles and elbows.


Police were unable to find the leprechauns or anyone else involved.

Facts in this story were changed to protect the sanity of our readers. Sadly, the part about the leprechauns was not one of them.