Or Whatever Comes after Red

Since Sept. 11, 2001, federal air marshals have been traveling on thousands of flights. Their job is to track suspected terrorists and deter anyone who might try to highjack a plane. But some marshals are concerned about what happened when one of their bosses was reported sleeping on a flight.

The concern is about the agent in charge of the Denver office, Tony Hedges. According to a former senior United flight attendant, Hedges, who was carrying a gun, was sleeping on a flight to Washington, D.C., . . ..

Hedges called the incident "a cockamamy lie," adding, "Sure, occasionally, when I'm on a flight, I close my eyes and check my eyelids for terrorists, but that rarely takes more than an hour or two.

"Besides, I turn the gun off right after takeoff just to be safe. I mean, geez, I'm not a complete idiot."

Secretary Chertoff, now, might be a good time to up our Terror Alert Status to "Fucked."