A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words -- All of Them "Eew"

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice called developments 'encouraging' on the first day of diplomatic talks with representatives from the underwater kingdom of Rubba Dubdub, which were held in the spacious bathtub of Rice's private D.C. residence on Monday. . .

In a gesture of goodwill that reportedly pleased Rubba Dubdub diplomats, Rice donned a bubble beard, an indigenous custom of the region.

"I wanted to reassure Rubba Dubdubbers that this administration is solidly pro-suds, fully supports total water immersion, and, despite rumors, is not aligned with the position of the cold-shower lobby," Rice said. . . .

Representatives from the bathtub-locked country, in turn, signed a friendship treaty which ensured that Rice's skin would become soft, warm, and sweet-smelling whenever within Rubba Dubdub's jurisdiction.

But Rubba Dubdub's chief negotiator insisted that not all of Condi's bits would be welcome in the kingdom. He specifically mentioned her pustuled and knotted goat penis -- the sign of her demonic liaison with The Beast -- saying it would have to be scrubbed in a neutral realm, like the Kingdom of Sink. Although this was still being debated, in drafts, Secretary Rice did initial the requests, indicating her assent.