The Law Offices of Biff Loman, Esq.: "Reasonable Doubt for a Reasonable Price"*
Bryan Hathaway, by counsel and pursuant to secs. 971.30 and 971.31, Stats., moves the court for an order dismissing the criminal complaint, charging Sexual Gratification With An Animal, contrary to sec. 944.17 (2) (c). . . .
The complaint fails to allege any facts that support the conclusion that Mr. Hathaway committed an act of sexual gratification with an animal. According to the complaint, Mr. Hathaway had sex with a dead dear (sic). The statute does not prohibit one from having sex with a carcass.
I would like the record to show two things: one, that I created this defense on October 25, 2006, a full two weeks before this motion was filed, and, two, I was joking when I did it.
* That said, counselor, your first blog defense is free. Any other defense strategies taken from this site will cost you.
posted by Biff Loman at 12:46 AM
3 Comments:
Most normal people simply bury their dead dogs, it's both gratifying and disturbing to know that some people will take the time to bring us news of the occasionally odd, doing something different.
Thank you Biff. You always come through for us.
First, there was Enumclaw; then, Saginaw; now, this. This is beyond occasionally odd. In fact, by my estimate, we're one or two incidents away from splicing together a Carcass-Fuckers Gone Wild video.
Let me know when the Carcass-Fuckers Gone Wild is ready, I'll want three for Yuletide gifts.
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