Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Washington State Kowtows before Michigan's Superior Dog-Fucking Fu

A 44-year-old Saginaw man remains jailed today on charges of bestiality after he was seen engaged in sexual acts with a dead dog, Michigan State Police troopers said.

Ronald Kuch was arrested after police searched the area of Midland and Carter roads Friday for a man who ran away from a Bay County Animal Control officer. The entire incident was within view of a nearby day care center. . . .

Troopers said a woman from the day care center called for animal control because there was a dead dog near the property that had been hit by a car several days earlier.

Before officers could arrive, the man showed up and began engaging in sexual acts with the dog, police said. . . .

Officers determined that the house belonged to the man's girlfriend and later learned that the dog, a black Labrador retriever, also belonged to the girlfriend. The dog had been dead for four or five days.
"Your Honor, we'd like to plead 'not guilty' to these charges. Since the dog died four or five days ago, it's hardly bestiality -- what with the spirit having left the body and everything -- now, is it? I mean, let's be honest, all you've got on him is public masturbation with some some road kill formerly known as Prince, and while disgusting, you have to concede, it's hardly illegal.

"I beg your pardon?

"Oh, yes, my client is prepared to go to jail today. We got him a toothbrush and a carton of Kools on the way over."

5 Comments:

Blogger reenee said...

I simply do not understand why anyone would willingly insert anything that's attached to his body into something that has been dead for four or five days.

I mean yeah, I know he's a guy, but come on!

Wait! This is another Washington state story. . . nevermind.

5:56 PM  
Blogger Biff Loman said...

This guy was from Michigan, but your point still stands: in Washington, not even death protects an orifice from penile invasion -- which, by the way, is the state department of tourism's new slogan.

Damn catchy if you ask me.

6:19 PM  
Blogger LeeSee said...

"not even death protects an orifice from penile invasion"

This clearly is a guy thing, and oddly it explains so much.

Male psychology boiled down to one phrase, truly amazing.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Biff Loman said...

Male psychology boiled down to one phrase, truly amazing.

I know, and yet, the McArthur Foundation overlooked me again this year.

Fuckers.

5:20 PM  
Blogger reenee said...

Since you are so adept at exercising your creative instincts for the benefit of human society, I'm shocked as well.

7:39 PM  

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