Washington State Kowtows before Michigan's Superior Dog-Fucking Fu

A 44-year-old Saginaw man remains jailed today on charges of bestiality after he was seen engaged in sexual acts with a dead dog, Michigan State Police troopers said.

Ronald Kuch was arrested after police searched the area of Midland and Carter roads Friday for a man who ran away from a Bay County Animal Control officer. The entire incident was within view of a nearby day care center. . . .

Troopers said a woman from the day care center called for animal control because there was a dead dog near the property that had been hit by a car several days earlier.

Before officers could arrive, the man showed up and began engaging in sexual acts with the dog, police said. . . .

Officers determined that the house belonged to the man's girlfriend and later learned that the dog, a black Labrador retriever, also belonged to the girlfriend. The dog had been dead for four or five days.

"Your Honor, we'd like to plead 'not guilty' to these charges. Since the dog died four or five days ago, it's hardly bestiality -- what with the spirit having left the body and everything -- now, is it? I mean, let's be honest, all you've got on him is public masturbation with some some road kill formerly known as Prince, and while disgusting, you have to concede, it's hardly illegal.

"I beg your pardon?

"Oh, yes, my client is prepared to go to jail today. We got him a toothbrush and a carton of Kools on the way over."