Man, Are They Ever Going to Have a Hard Time Explaining Sex to Her

Eager to try out a new prescription for the erectile dysfunction drug Cialis, a couple in their fifties is facing indecent exposure charges after they were caught having sex on a balcony at a family resort in South Carolina. William McGinn, 57, and Patricia Scott, 53, were arrested Saturday afternoon when other vacationers at the Breakers Resort spotted them engaging in a variety of sex acts on their third-floor balcony, . . .

[From the police report: Victim 1 (11-year-old female). . . While she (Victim 2), her family, and friends were outside behind the breakers property her 11 year old daughter (Victim 1) approached and stated that there was a naked man on the balcony.

Victim 1 and 2 informed their friends Victim 3 and Victim 4 of the situation then paid no more attention to the balcony. Approximately 1 hour later, Victim 1 noticed that the white female . . . "sprawled" herself out on a chair exposing her genitalia. Once again, Victim 1 informed her mother of the incident, who also viewed the exposure. Shortly after, the nude male engaged the female from behind, and the couple began to have sexual intercourse on the balcony (viewed by Victims 1-4). Victim 2 instructed her daughter to ignore the couple, and all victim's looked away.

After several minutes of ignoring the couple, Victim 1 approached her mother again and inquired as to why the nude female was touching the nude male's "front butt" (term she uses for a penis). Victim 2 quickly looked up and discovered that . . . the female was giving the male a "hand-job" on the balcony. Victim 2, 3, and 4 then observed the female perform oral sex on the man, who was still completely in the open view of the public.]

When police confronted the couple, they claimed that onlookers were just "jealous," . . . As she was being placed in a patrol car, Scott complained to one cop that she and McGinn were "just f**king" and "didn't see the problem.

He might have something there. For people who claim to have been ignoring the what was going on, they don't seem to have missed a stroke of the action (especially Victim 1).

Clearly, Bill and Patty were in the wrong -- and by "wrong," I mean "forgot to charge a cover fee and a two-drink minimum." But given the level of interest paid to them by the family, I'm not so sure we should be referring to the family members and friends as "victims."

Well, the 11-year-old girl is. I mean, if you're 11 and you still refer to a man's penis as his "front butt," then, you've no doubt been on the receiving end of some stultifying, brutal, and injurious parenting. So you, 11-year-old girl, you are a victim.

But those other three, the adults, are not. Those guys are just too cheap to pay for Cinemax.