Then, Bifferson Would Learn about Miranda Rights

I know we black people have a reputation for overreacting violently to the tiniest of slights—a reputation that is duly earned. After generations upon generations of having legally sanctioned indignities and injustices visited on us (for which any reaction other than acceptance was punishment—sometimes lethal), we've got a lot of frustration and anger bubbling just below the surface. We're just ticking time bombs — mushroom cloud-laying motherfuckers, motherfuckers, operating on a hair trigger, that people should be more careful around. That's not an excuse, but a plea. You see, we know this behavior is unacceptable, and we're working really hard to learn to react to daily life in a more civil manner; it's just we're not there, yet. Bear with us.

For instance, if at dinner, my kid were to respond to a routine questions like “So, Bifferson, what did you learn in school today?” with “I learned how to use my lunchbox as a toilet” the next lesson he would learn would be how to give his teacher a lunchbox catheter, using Elmer's Glue as a lubricant and a not-so-gently kicking foot as a power source.

He'd learn that and that daddy has a severe impulse-control and anger-management problems.

As I said, we're not there, yet, but we're working on it. Bear with us.