Wednesday, July 01, 2009

I May Be Related to Leon Wilkes

Text Messages Sent Between Harriet Tubman, a.k.a. Moses, and Leon Wilkes, a Running-Away Slave
by Ashley Sharpe
LW: where r U?
HT: u hav 2 b able 2 keep up no matter what 4 this 2 work.
LW: stubbed my toe. tried to tell u to w8.
HT: smh.
LW: it is severe. :’-(

LW: r we free yet?
HT: not yet.

LW: i think i need 2 go back.
HT: ain’t no going back. rmbr wut i told u?
LW: but i need 2 go back. think i 4got my wallet. :-(
HT: if u try 2 go back, I hav bullet wit ur name on it.
LW: if they catch me will be castr8ed. prefer ur bullet.
HT: dont give up now. thnk about ur freedom.
LW: ur right. when im free 1st thing i want is educ8ion and unencumbered opportunity for meritocratic advancement, free from the yoke of racial prejudice and discrimin8ion.
HT: no.
LW: k. then i settle 4 my unborn kids 2 hav that.
HT: no.
LW: then i take a chzbrgr n french fries.
HT: i know a place.
LW: k.

LW: how much longer til we get 2 the st8ion?
HT: st8ion????
LW: the train st8ion.
HT: we Rn’t going 2 no train st8ion!
LW: but u said we’d take the underground railrd.
HT: ur feet r the train, the ground is the railrd. lol. jk. ;-)
LW: lol. so there IS a train. :-D
HT: no. we r runnin.
LW: but my stubbed toe? plus I left my sneakers.
HT: what size?
LW: 9.
HT: i have xtra pair in my gym bag.
LW: do they have added insole support? I tend 2 overpron8.
HT: yes.
LW: k.

LW: Harriet, r we free yet?
HT: no. pls stop asking.

Imagine Leon asking Harriet if they can stop for a bathroom break at the pause in every conversation and you'll have a pretty good idea of what's it's like to travel with me and a near perfect explanation of why the Loman family home is in North Carolina, not Canada.


Blogger reenee said...

So then, you'd be the pest in the car during the cross country trip asking, "Are we there yet?"

9:52 PM  
Blogger Biff Loman said...

I'm the pest who

1. talks about the significance of every song on the radio or cd player until you decide it would be better to travel without music,

B. reads silently newspapers, book, magazine, billboards, etc., and then reads aloud to you everything he finds amusing, which, as it turns out, is just about everything,

tres. re-tells the stories of your history together, but muddles the details of each one just enough to suck you in before you can realize you've heard the storiy like a ga-zillion times before and stop him,

Pi. fills the car with snacks, junk food, and fast food from every place that you have to pull in to so he can use the bathroom— which are legion—as he has the potty urgency of a gerbil with a bladder infection

4. only asks “Are we there yet?” to know whether to do 1, B, tres, or Pi next, as like a dog, he doesn't care where you're going; he just likes to go for a ride.

2:04 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home