What I'm Watching: Patrick Duffy and the Crab

Patrick: So what, Meredith had to choose between that one guy and Dr. McHottie? …

The Crab: [exasperated] Yes! It's ridiculous. She could've had them both at the same time, you know, had a little ménage action going.

Patrick: When have you ever been with two women?

The Crab: Nineteen ninety-four. First-season wrap party for a little show I like to call Friends, me, Courtney, and the wardrobe girl.

Patrick: You're telling me you had a threesome with Courtney Cox…

The Crab: Uh huh.

Patrick: …and the wardrobe girl.

The Crab: And her name was Bettina. Jealous?

Patrick: No. More “surprised.”

The Crab: Look, Patrick, I know you're into this whole marriage thing, but you've got to loosen up, man. It's The Aughties.

Patrick: Not everyone is interested in that.

The Crab: Are you telling me that if you were single and I showed up at your door with Courtney Cox, you wouldn't jump on board, make a little Courtney sandwich?

Patrick: No, I don't think so.

The Crab: You don't find her attractive?

Patrick: No, she's very pretty.

The Crab: [pause for realization] Oh. I see.

Patrick: It would be a little awkward, yes.

The Crab: Wow.

Patrick: I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.

The Crab: You're repelled by me.


In Patrick's defense, not everyone is into a Devil's Three-way. A certain level of awkwardness is inherent, which is why one is never proposed, only fallen into.

Anyway, that exchange, alone, would have been enough to make Patrick Duffy & The Crab my favorite web series, but then, in the American Idol episode The Crab gave one of my favorite line readings ever when he discussed the Idol age limit, and that sealed it.





They're all worth a few minutes, so watch them when you get a chance.

You're welcome.