This Reactionary Rant Brought to You by the Official Blog of the German World Cup

In the cavernous back room of Munich's famous Augustiner beer hall, Heiko Hofrichter sits at one of the long wooden tables, takes a sip of his thick brew, and explains why German soccer fans just can't swallow the fact that America's Budweiser is the official beer at the World Cup, which opens today. . . .

"It's Spuelwasser!" cried Robert Paustian, 32, . . ., using the German word for dishwater. . . .

Since Anheuser-Busch's Budweiser paid $40 million for the 'pouring rights' at the 12 World Cup stadiums across the country, anti-Bud Web sites have flourished on the Internet, calling for solidarity in boycotting the American brew.

"If it's a German World Cup, the beer sponsors should be German," said Harald Paustian, 30, who was drinking a beer with his brother on a recent evening.

It's no secret that Germans love their beer -- they are the second largest per capita beer consumers on the globe, behind the Czechs. Beer halls like this one in Munich's central district are popular spots for all generations.

"Oh, bullshit!" cried Biff Loman, of indeterminant age, using the American English word for just this kind of annoying drivel.

"If the Germans want the official beer of the World Cup to be German, let them find a brewer willing and able to pay the 80 million euros to get the contract," he went on, obviously annoyed by all the umlat-ted whining. "Otherwise, they should just shut their wurst holes, and do what the rest of us do: ignore the ads and drink something else."

It's no secret that Americans love their marketing -- they are second to none in the fetishization of consumables for the masses. Events like the World Cup are popular spots for their media blitzes.