"I'll Be Right Back. I've Got to Go See a Postal Worker about Some Coffee."

There will be no trial for an Ohio postal worker accused of urinating in his co-workers' coffee.

Thomas Shaheen admitted Monday that he put urine in the break room coffee pot at the Wolf Ledges, Ohio, post office branch earlier this year. Shaheen was sentenced to six months in a jail work release program. . . .

Shaheen told his former co-workers during his sentencing that he was sorry for what he did. . . .

But before he apologized and was sentenced, some of the postal employees he worked with at the transportation maintenance shop gave Shaheen a piece of their minds.

"He not only watched us drink the coffee but the majority of the shop, his own friends and fellow workers, about 20 of us all together, he would sit in the same room with people and watch them drink his sick little brew and think nothing of it," said postal worker Jene Jackson. . . .

Former co-worker Jim Jackson said, "Everybody's got their own idea on the matter, it was a pretty disgusting ordeal, but, all things considered, it still beats Starbucks."

Do you remember back in the 80s when this guy would've just shown up for work with a high-powered rifle and a bag of ammo and killed everyone? It was a simpler time, a glorious time to be a postal worker, a golden age, really, when workers handled disputes the way our forefathers did. Now, I don't even recognize the Postal Service anymore.

I blame R. Kelly.