The Love-Quiz . . .For Married Folks Only

Q. WHY DOES SHE SPEND THE EVENINGS ALONE?

A. Because she keeps her home immaculate, looks as pretty as she can and really loves her husband, BUT she neglects that one essential . . . personal feminine hygiene.

Q. Is this really important to married happiness?

A. Wives often lose the precious air of romance, doctors say, for lack of the intimate daintiness dependent on effective douching. For this, look to reliable "Lysol" brand disinfectant.

The past couple of days' news had been giving me Penis Trauma, so much so that in the dark moments, I'd been experiencing vagina envy and secretly asking god to send me a vagina (and not in the way that I usually do, when I'm penis secure).

But, now, a vagina just sounds like too much trouble. I think I'll stick with the wash-and-dry, attention-whore genitalia, if you don't mind.