McSweeney's Internet Tendency: An Overheard Conversation at the Suburban Neighborhood Pool, If the Suburban Neighborhood Pool Were in Deadwood.
MOM 1: Fucking Homeowners Association cocksuckers. Are they so slow in the ass-fucking cerebrum as to not allow a goddamned simple, commonplace, gullet-pleasing peanut-fucking-butter sandwich on the premises of their fucking pool patio?
. . . I mean, fuck me if I'm gonna take the three angelic fucking spawn of my hooch and force them to hunker their tiny selves down in the back of the sweltering cocksucking Odyssey just to masticate a PB&J and imbibe some goddamned Mott's. Fuck.
MOM2: Well, shit, Tiffany, let's just divvy up the sandwiches among our sweet fucking runts and see what happens. Hunter's gone all asshole from hunger-induced madness of the brain, already. . . .
MOM 2: KIDS! FUCKING LUNCHTIME!
MOM 1: DON'T FORGET TO WASH YOUR GODDAMNED HANDS!
Believe it or not, there's not enough "cocksucking" in that for Deadwood. And if you accept John Updike's view, not enough anal sex for suburbia. This falls in-between.
As always, those that contend with me suck cock by choice.
posted by Biff Loman at 11:19 AM
2 Comments:
What's wrong with this conversation? A casual "fuck" and a "goddamn" never hurt my angelic spawn.
No illusions for my girls, Nosireee!
My little crumbsnatchers are bilingual in the cursing arts so I could unleash a host of "chingados" in Spanish.
Somehow in Spanish is has more of a "putaso", you know?
I agree, however, trying to set a good example I never cursed with the kids around. The first time they ever heard me say, "what the fuck?" was when we were rear ended on a freeway onramp, when they were 10 and 11.
Now, it's old hat, and has spread into the older generation.
Only this morning while I was driving Mom to the doctor's office she said, "Ese hombre anda de muy mal pelo. I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with him."
And, so it goes....
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