What Does It Profit a Man to Gain a Million-Dollar Erection if, in the End, He Haseth a Ten-Cents Orgasm? -- Loman 3:16

When an orgasm has been achieved through sex, you can measure theta waves. These are also said to cause the "running high" feeling of euphoria experienced sometimes by marathon runners. If theta waves are taken as a criterion, the entire brain emits theta waves when women reach an orgasm that are close on 10 times stronger than when men climax. So, if theta waves are an indication of an orgasm's strength, then women experience an orgasm that is physically impossible for men to go through. Putting it a little crudely, if the intensity of a woman's orgasm was played through a man's brain, there's a danger that the shock to his system would kill him.

If you think words like "danger" and "shock" and "kill" are going to scare me away from efforts to increase the intensity of my orgasm to female levels, I've got a couple of words for you: erotic, asphyxiation. You're going to have to try harder.

Don't get me wrong. I hear you. I get what you're saying about the "Theta waves" and the "10 times stronger than men's orgasms" and the "shock could kill" and the yadda, yadda, yadda. I get it. I really do. But you know what? That Orgasm Gap ain't going to close itself, Poindexter. Somebody's going to have to get busy on a female orgasm pill -- and I mean, toute de suite!

Honestly, people, does it take all of you to cure cancer?