And I'm Not that Big on Housekeeping, Myself

THE salacious rumor that Marilyn Monroe and Clark Gable had a torrid sex romp on the set of "The Misfits" has finally been shot down for good. The blond bombshell was too unhygienic for the mustachioed star, according to a new tell-all. In "Clark Gable: Tormented Star," out this September, David Bret writes that the "Gone With the Wind" star was "not in the least amorously interested in Marilyn. In as much as he had a fetish for cleanliness, she could not have been less fastidious regarding per sonal hygiene. Like Jean Harlow, she bleached her pubic hair and never wore panties . . . She suffered from what today would be described as a form of irritable bowel syndrome." Just as unappetizing, Bret claims, "she rarely bathed, slept in the nude and ate a lot in bed - shoving what was left on her plate under the sheets before going to sleep."

While I can see where that might be a turn-off for some, I can't see myself reacting in any way but, "Oh, honey! You cooked" because I know how to appreciate the little things a woman does for me.