Like You Didn't See That One Coming

At a press conference held today, Woodland Park Zoo announced a newly discovered elephant herpesvirus as the cause of death of Asian elephant, Hansa (HAHN-suh). … The 6_-year-old female elephant died unexpectedly on June 8 after showing only mild symptoms of reduced activity and appetite and an increased shyness towards humans. …

“The virus that infected Hansa is a new discovery in the science community that we detected for the first time on June 28 as part of the research into the cause of Hansa’s death,” explained the world’s leading expert on elephant herpesviruses, Dr. Laura Richman, a research scientist at the National Elephant Herpesvirus Laboratory at Smithsonian National Zoo. …

According to Richman, there are many unknowns. “We don’t know how Hansa contracted the virus, and we don’t know how common it is,” added Richman. “We will continue to collaborate with several laboratories to characterize and better understand this new disease, which may take months to years.” This unnamed virus will eventually be named by viral taxonomists based on its genetic composition.

If they take location into consideration, since this occurred in Seattle, expect it to be named something like “Skeezyguyhavingsexualcongresswithelephantbeingfilmedbyhispales Simplex I.”