Actually, if I Said, "Suck Dick up until they hiccup," My Mother Would Shuffle Off This Mortal Coil, but not before Washing My Mouth Out with Soap

Alexyss: See, they got a lot of these old mens, wearing these Pampers — and y'all can take this as you want it . . .

Mom: Pampers?

Alexyss: . . . These old men, wearing these Depends/Pampers. . .

Mom: Oh, yeah, I've got a friend that a man went up on in a store with a box of 'em said, “How you wear these? How you put these on?”

Alexyss: And they wearing dem Pampers cause they asshole done fell out, the bottom done been knocked out, cause they done had so many damn huge, goddamn King Kong dicks up they ass, and can't control they bowels, and hold they damn bowels back. So you thinking because them men old and folk feeling sorry for them cause they old in the old folks home in them wheel chairs and they have to have all kinds of ass-hole operations. It's really because they had all them dicks. . .

Jealous?

Do you know what's scary? My mother and I use to be this close. We'd just chat and chat and chat, about anything and everything, for hours and hours. Wow. I really miss those chats.

*Sniff*

I'm going to call my mom.

Excuse me.