Due to Space Limitations, This Article Was Edited for Length*

An offbeat fucking-nuts South Carolina prison inmate has filed a handwritten lawsuit seeking $63 quintillion from Michael Vick. Experts in the field point to the handwritten nature of the lawsuit as evidence of his "fucking-nuttiness (apparently, a professional term in the psychiatric argot)."

They point to the $63,000,000,000,000,000,000 as Exhibit B to his fucking-nutty goodness.

The suit was filed in the U.S. District Court in Richmond on July 23.

Riches -- who has developed an Internet cult following for his propensity to file strange lawsuits naming multiple diverse defendants -- claims that Vick stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to "use the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iran government."

If he wins the lawsuit, Riches says he wants the $63 quintillion delivered in gold and silver to the front gate of the Williamsburg Federal Correctional Facility in South Carolina (Exhibit C). . . .

In his previous lawsuits -- which have never actually made it to court -- Riches has sued politicians, entertainers, dead people, corporations and occasionally abstract concepts.

In one instance, Riches submitted a 57-page list of defendants that included President Bush, Pope Benedict, actor Tony Danza, Fruit of the Loom, NASCAR, the Ming Dynasty, Skittles candy, the Philadelphia Eagles (2005 roster), the Doobie Brothers, the Congolese Army, the Magna Carta, "WKRP in Cincinnati," the King's Dominion amusement park in Virginia, the philosopher Plato, and the Liberty Bell.

He claimed they collectively owed him money.

Dude, the first thing they teach you when you enter a graduate program in philosophy is -- and I'll quote -- "No matter what he says -- and he will say anything -- don't believe for a second you'll ever see the money you loan to Plato ever again. Sadly, that money is gone."

*Picture from TheSmokingGun.com