This Labor Day, Fuck Jerry Lewis. This Year, Make Your Donation to Biff's Kids

Adult satellite network Paradise TV is poised to hold its annual charity telethon, promising to get physical with its philanthropy, according to Shukan Taishu.

For the weekend of Aug. 25 to Aug. 26 Paradise will donate its airspace to the "24 Hour Telethon Porn Can Save the World."

All proceeds of the telethon will be donated to the Japan Foundation for AIDS Prevention . . .

Among the features of the telethon will be "Oppai Bokin (Tit Collection)," where contributors to the charity fund are permitted to knead the breasts of an adult movie actress; and the Tekoki Jinja (Hand Job Shrine), where a cash handout will be returned with a hand out of an entirely different kind.

Normally, I wouldn't go anywhere near pornographic material, but if it's for charity, I'll try it this one time. For the children.

Because I'm a giver.