It's All Fun and Games until Someone Loses a Vagina
Some sexual experimentation landed a southern Maryland woman in a hospital with injuries tough to imagine and even more difficult to forget.
Maryland State Police airlifted the 27-year-old woman to Prince George's County Hospital Center early Sunday morning after she was injured in an incident involving a sex toy attached to a saber saw blade, TheBayNet.com first reported.…
The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.
Investigators talked to the woman, who told them she suffered the injuries during a consensual act and that she and her partner were trying something new and no crime was committed, the sheriff's office said.
If you're going to try something new, do it, but remember these two things:
- Love Is…Never Having to Say, “Whoops!”
- “Ow! (and all Ow-classed variants)” is a terrible safe word.
As an aside, FM, if you're reading this, would you check on our friend in Maryland? Make sure she's okay. Although this story doesn't carry her name, you and I, both, know this is she. (No, I didn't show this same concern when she came home after her episiotomy, but, really, I think this is different.)
And send the appropriate gift basket or flowers or whatever. Miss Manners hasn't responded to my e-mail, so I don't know what to send to someone in this situation, and Hallmark doesn't carry an “I'm sorry your last sexual act turned into a episode of ‘This Old House…’” card. Lacking guidance or pop-humor from a greeting card, I'm more than willing to defer to your knowledge in this area. Whatever you decide—up to $20. (I mean, it's not like I put the dildo on the saw). Thanks.
posted by Biff Loman at 6:19 PM
2 Comments:
I'm on it Biff. I decided on a fine bottle of Tanqueray (it was that or tequila, I just did't think tequila was as approriate for an injured nether region). The card read: Sorry about your girl parts. I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time - HA! HA!
Good call, my friend: Tequila is what you drink to have exciting things happen in your naughty bits. Gin is what you drink to forget them.
It's the official liquor of remorse.
P.S. All sex acts sound like a good idea—right up until they aren't. Then, not so much.
I'm sure that guy who thought it seemed like a good idea to let the horse pitch while he caught would back me up on this, you know, if he were still alive.
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