Sorry, but I'm Really Enjoying Reading The Onion This Week

According to a Boston University study released Monday, men from lower-income backgrounds are significantly more skilled at communicating their attraction to women than their middle- and upper-class counterparts.

“Many people would assume that the relative dearth of educational opportunities available to men in lower economic strata would result in inferior communication skills,” said Boston University social anthropologist Dr. Mary Schoen, co-author of the study. “To the contrary, our research finds that they are up to four times more adept at conveying their interest in women than men with higher incomes.” …

The study found that 95 percent of men who earn less than $18,000 a year were able to loudly and publicly voice their approval of specific body parts on women. By contrast, a paltry 3 percent of men who earn more than $75,000 a year could do the same.

“Though they scored substantially higher in math and science aptitude, upper-class males were surprisingly inept at simply letting a coworker know her ass looked nice in a skirt,” said Dr. Marybeth Clarke, Boston University sociologist and the study's co-author. “It's not that they didn't notice the ass. They simply were unable to convey the sentiment.”

Even more remarkable, low-income men are often able to initiate communication with women they do not even know.

“It's one thing to be able to strike up a conversation with a friend or coworker,” Clarke said, “but the challenge is that much greater when you're trying to talk to a stranger who's running to catch a train.”

“Whether the woman was black or white, rich or poor, cheerful or profoundly depressed, these men were consistently able to get across the message that they would enjoy engaging in intercourse with her,” Clarke said. …

Lower-income men were also seven times more likely to ask women questions. Among the queries noted in the report: “Where you going all dressed up so sexy?,” “Where did you get a pair of legs like that?,” and “Hey, baby, wanna suck my root?”

It's research like this that led me to graduate school in the first place. It's also why I was asked to leave.