“True Story,” Wang Added

A PANDA bit a scavenger on his legs yesterday at the Beijing Zoo after the boy broke into the panda's habitat, Beijing media reported today.

The incident happened around 1pm at the zoo in Xicheng District. An official from the zoo said a boy climbed into the park without buying a ticket and then jumped into the panda habitat, the report said. Media reports had conflicting account of his age, which is either 12 or 15.

A witness surnamed Wang said the boy stayed outside the railings and shouted toward the pandas at first.

Wang said the boy used a bamboo stick to tease the male panda “Gugu,” so the panda was enraged and rushed at the boy.

“He shouted ‘I'm not afraid of a panda, I know karate,’” Wang said. “By ‘know karate,’ I think he meant ‘know how to shit myself and collapse into a whimpering ball of humiliation and self disgust,’ because when ‘Gugu’ finally charged him, that's what happened.

“I wish I could be certain about this next part,” Wang said. “Events unfolded so quickly and all, but I could've sworn that immediately before ‘Gugu’ unleashed his furry little fists of fury, he made a motion with his paws and a ‘Pssst’ sound with his mouth, like he was opening up a No. 10 can of ursine whoop ass. Damnedest thing I ever saw.”