Freaky Japanese Television — Now with Three Times More Ass

I've been saving money for a trip to Paris, but, really, who am I fooling. I'm not a cultured man about town. I'm a man with a freak flag begging to wave freely. It's time I stopped denying it, and let my vacation choices speak for me.

“Titkerchief” May Be My New Favorite Word

Just kidding “callipygian.” No sniglet could ever take your place.

Mostly, It's a Class-Issue, but Whites and Blacks Do Experience the Justice System Differently

Chappelle's Show
Tron Carter's Law & Order
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story

I've only been on a jury for two days, but my impression is that most criminals would be better off if they pled the Fifth, as in one-two-three-four-FIF.

I'll tell you more about my experience in the jury box when my trial is over.

Justice Begins Tomorrow

Chappelle's Show
Celebrity Trial Jury Selection
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story

I'm going in for jury duty tomorrow. I expect it to go something like this, so, yeah, contempt of court will be cited, and, yes, I'll need you to bail me out.

Don't wait too long. A pretty man like me won't last long in lock-up. If you're not there within the first hours, you'll have to ask for me using my prison name, Cries like a Bitch.

No, wait. That's my Sioux name. Or, maybe, my porn name.

Anyway, hurry. One of the reasons I'm so attractive is my “purty mouth.” That's bound to make other men think things, things I'd rather not think about.

Hey, Elin, if You Find that You Really Can't Go Back Now that You've Gone Black, I Might Know Someone Who's Your Type. Call Me!

Ms. Nordegren and Mr. Woods issued this joint statement:

We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future. While we are no longer married, we are the parents of two wonderful children and their happiness has been, and will always be, of paramount importance to both of us. Okay, one of us puts keeping his dick wet 24/7/365 (and 366 on Leap Years — Hollar, bitches!!) ahead of the kids, but reasonable parents can agree to disagree on the proper position of kids in one's life. But we digress. Where were we? Oh, yes, once she we came to the decision that our marriage was at an end, the primary focus of our amicable discussions has been to ensure her their future well-being. The weeks and months ahead will not be easy for them as we adjust to a new family situation, which is why our privacy must be a principal concern.

“Can someone sign my name to this? I'd do it, but if I don't leave now, I'll never be able get in 18 holes of golf and the wait staff of Denny's before sundown.

How Much Would You Pay Not to Have Your Ass Sewn Up Tighter than a Christmas Goose?

Police in southern Shenzhen City confirmed a patient's claim that her anus had been sewn by a midwife suspected of taking revenge during the patient's labor because she failed to receive a good tip.

A medical report by the police showed the anus had been sewn with black threads and needle near her bleeding hemorrhoid, reported Nanfang Daily yesterday.

The midwife surnamed Zhang had denied it.…

Zhang claimed she applied the ligature treatment to cure the woman's bleeding pile out of generosity, though it violated professional practice.…

The director of Fenghuang Hospital in Luohu District, where Zhang worked, said she couldn't comment because she didn't see the report. But she said further investigation was still needed.…

According to the patient's husband, surnamed Chen, the midwife had hinted that he give her extra money before the child's birth on July 23. But Chen gave her only 100 yuan (US$15), which she thought too meager and sparked her revenge.


The answer, then, is, “More than $15.00.”

Seriously, dude, there's a time to haggle and there's a time to pay the retail price. This was the time for the latter.

Live and learn.

Thanks, LawGuy for Pointing This Out to Me

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Alpha Dog of the Week - Steven Slater
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election Fox News

A JetBlue flight attendant left his job in dramatic fashion yesterday, allegedly cursing out passengers on his flight before exiting via the plane's emergency exit — beer in hand — and eventually driving off in a car he had parked at the airport.

…ABC says "one of the passengers apparently got out of his seat to grab a bag from an overhead compartment. The flight attendant walked over to tell him he had to sit down. The two reportedly got into an argument and somehow the flight attendant got hit in the head with either the bag or the compartment door."

That's when things got interesting, according to the various media reports.…

If by “interesting,” you mean he went home and got laid, then, yes, things got very interesting, indeed.

Shaft in Star Wars, Starring Billy Dee Williams's Cousin Ray Ray

“Get between this brother and his woman, and space ain't black enough to hide from him.”

It's True. I'm Not Bragging. It's Just a Fact.

Question: What is evil?

Michael Stone: Well, evil is a very fascinating topic. Are we really permitted as a legitimate for ordinary folks to use that word “evil,” because it tended for thousands of years to belong to the sphere of religion and philosophy, but I noticed, as we all do, people used the word evil all the time, people in ordinary life, journalists, prosecutors, judges, etc.

So, I began to create a scale of evil. I ended up at first with just a few numbers on my scale, but I then got it up to 22 of which the first one was “not evil,” just justified homicide. Number two was crimes of passion, all the way up to 22 where there was usually a serial killer subjecting victims to prolonged torture. So, that's about as bad as it gets.

“Oh,” Dr. Stone did not add. “I almost forgot. If you have big brothers, you should add Nos. 23-25 to your scale for those sick fucks, but, of course, only Biff Loman will ever need No. 25.”.